


Best of Luck

by setaxis



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Kinda, M/M, Minor Character Death, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-26
Updated: 2015-01-26
Packaged: 2018-03-19 07:44:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,608
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3601953
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/setaxis/pseuds/setaxis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jongdae has been dreaming of a boy all his life. The heart-shaped smile, the warm, playful eyes - they haunt his night and his day. He never expects to meet his dream boy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Best of Luck

**Author's Note:**

> This was written for the chensoo exchange! This is mostly inspired by the lines in best luck which read: "I waited for this day, your sweetness", "I dream every day of holding your hand and flying forever always. My love I missed you, It's destiny you can't avoid it" "You are my luck, I can't avoid it"

**Warnings:** Brief mention of character death (not kyungsoo or jongdae)  


 

 

How can you miss someone you’ve never met? Jongdae doesn’t know how that works, all he knows is that it feels like there’s a great big aching hole in his chest that refuses to go away. It’s worst just after he wakes up, when the dreams are still fresh in his mind, branded into his memories.

He’s been having them for as long as he can remember, dreams filled with a wide eyed child about the same age, mind full of images from a life that isn’t his. Now, Jongdae isn’t an unhappy child by any means – he’s pretty loud and boisterous actually – but the only time he feels happy, truly happy, is when he’s asleep. When he’s awake there’s just something missing.

Someone.

Some nights he doesn’t dream and those are simultaneously the best and worst nights of all. Best because he isn’t haunted by visions of big eyes and heart-shaped lips, free to actually dream like a normal person, but the worst because somehow the emptiness grows even larger without them.

He’s only ever told one person about his dreams. When he was younger he hadn’t realised that other people didn’t dream of the same person over and over and over. That it wasn’t normal. His parents had dismissed it as an imaginary friend, someone Jongdae had invented. He had believed it too for a while.

But there were things that made him doubt. He never saw his imaginary friend during the day time, to start with. He never played with him, not even in his dreams. It was more like catching a glimpse through the window to someone else’s life. He’s seen Boy play with other children but never with Jongdae. It was very odd. The only face he seemed to be able to remember upon waking was that one boy – chubby cheeks and a bowl cut and short.

He was expecting to grow out of his dreams just like his mummy told him he would. One day, she had said, he wouldn’t need his imaginary friend anymore and then the dreams would stop all on their own. They never did. It didn’t matter how many friends Jongdae had, how many parties he went to, how old he got, they never went away. Always the same boy.

Jongdae thinks that maybe he’s mad.

Xxx

When he’s younger Jongdae wants to be friends with his Boy. When he sees him playing with his friends in Jongdae’s dreams it always looks like he has fun. He’s a bit prickly, not liking to be the butt of anyone’s jokes and easily wound up, but he never seems to bear a grudge about it. Just a quick thump on the arm (- _yah, Kyungsoo-ah that hurts!_ Whines one of the other kids - tall and plump with round glasses and ridiculous ears) and then they’re back to running around like idiots. (Until the next time someone winds him up that is.)

Jongdae isn’t particularly lonely. He has friends at school. He plays over at their houses and such. There’s just something about this boy intrigues him. It’s strange because he doesn’t really seem the type Jongdae would hang out with normally (all of his other friends are loud and boisterous and essentially Jongdae). He does play around but he seems equally happy to be quiet. He likes reading and watching films. Jongdae can’t sit through any film without talking. He often wonders whether this means he and his dream boy couldn’t be friends if, you know, his dream boy was real because as far as his experience goes quiet people tend to avoid loud people. Or at least, that’s what Seohyun had told him when he’d tried to ask her out when he was ten.

That thought makes him quite sad. Not that he was turned down (which does make him sad for a day or so but he gets over it quick enough) but that his boy wouldn’t like him. Jongdae likes his dream boy a lot, even more than he liked Seohyun, but he doesn’t want to become someone else just for him to like him. Nuh-uh. That is not Jongdae’s way of the ninja. Nope. Jongdae isn’t changing for anyone. Instead he’ll just have to bother dream boy until he likes Jongdae back. That’ll definitely work.

Once Jongdae grew older he realised more and more how childish that sounded. ‘Bother him until he likes me back’? He sounds like a kid with a crush going to pull their pigtails to make them notice him. Stupid. He’s thirteen. He’s grown up enough and observed enough to realise that if he wants to be Kyungsoo’s friend - best friend - he needs to tow a fine line between playful banter and genuine annoyance. You know. If Kyungsoo existed. That’s what he’d do.

He’s sixteen when he he first realises he’s in love with his boy and he feels sick. He knows because Kyungsoo is all he ever thinks about. He has no choice at night but even during the day he finds himself remembering what book Kyungsoo had been reading. He thinks about Kyungsoo’s delicate fingers and slim shoulders. He daydreams about Kyungsoo’s wide eyes and how wide they would go if Jongdae surprised him with a kiss.

A kiss. Kissing Kyungsoo.

Kyungsoo, who isn’t real.

Jongdae wakes up then.

That night when before he goes to bed he puts his hands over his burning cheeks and cries d eep wrenching sobs. He has fallen for someone who doesn’t exist. It’s abnormal. Even if it weren’t a boy he’s imagined a person and then fixated on them like some kind of creep which is fucking messed up whichever way you think about it.

He spends the next two years of his life dating anyone who asked him. At first it was just girls. The relationships never lasted. He can admit to himself that he wasn’t really interested in any of them the way he should be. They were pretty, he enjoyed their company and even the sex was good but something just wasn’t _right_. So then he tried boys. He liked that too, but it never seemed to be enough. It got so bad it wasn’t even relationships anymore. It felt like he was searching desperately for someone, anyone to fill the hole in his chest, to take away the ache he felt when he woke up and realised once again that the boy he was in love with didn’t exist.

Then Kyungsoo’s cousin died. Jongdae’s dreams are filled with heartwrenching sobs so painful that he wishes he could reach out and comfort Kyungsoo. He never cries during the day, only at night. Jongdae watches day after day as he withdraws into his shell and hurts more and more. He wants so much to kiss Kyungsoo’s pain away. It’s almost an ache.

Jongdae stopped sleeping around after that.

It wasn’t what he wanted anyway. Jongdae wanted love. He wanted romance. Seeing Kyungsoo mourn his cousin made him realise that he should make the most of the time he has. He doesn’t want to waste time on meaningless relationships anymore - he wants _the one._

 _You never will if you’re hung up on an figment of your imagination._ Something snide in him says.

He knows that voice is right. He knows that until he gets rid of his feelings for Kyungsoo he won’t be able to move on. This issue is that he just doesn’t know _how_. He’s tried dating other people and that hasn’t worked. He even tried not sleeping for three days in order to break the cycle which turned out to be a terrible idea. He’d collapsed in class raving about imaginary people and unfairness and dark, wide eyes. Yeah. He was not doing that again in a hurry. He doesn’t know what else to try except bury himself in studying and friends and hope it all goes away eventually.

So that’s what he does. He dreams and waits and hopes.

xxx

Kim Jongdae is now twenty one, a third year music student at university and thoroughly and completely broke. He had been working part-time at the coffee shop by campus, but that had closed up for renovations and left him out of a job for several months. He’s asked his parents to help him get by but really he’s growing quite desperate now – he knows they’re not so well off as it is and he feels like shit having to ask them for money yet again.

As such, he’s pretty much got to the point that he will accept any job going, as long as it pays and fits round his uni schedule. So when one of his friends (Byun Baekhyun, undersized Cellist) tells him _his_ best friend (one Park Chanyeol, oversized Chemist) has had to leave his job due to uni commitments and is looking for a replacement Jongdae jumps at the chance. A job is a job, afterall.

And this is how Jongdae ends up working at ‘All You Can Beat’, possibly the last vinyl record shop left in Seoul. The owners, one very lovely but slightly odd man by the name of Yixing and a very odd but maybe lovely man by the name of Lu Han, tell him that ‘Chanlie’s recommendation is enough for them’ (which, really? Chanyeol is - according to Baekhyun, Jongdae’s never met the guy - the clumsiest person in the universe so how any of the records in this shop survived is a mystery to Jongdae, let alone Chanyeol being good enough at his job to give recommendations) and he starts the next Monday.

It’s pretty dull, he’ll be honest. He’s mostly there to give some relief to Lu Han and Yixing to let them find new stock or stock take or sacrifice kittens, whatever they do when Jongdae’s in the shop and they’re away. There’s rarely any customers, so Jongdae does more homework than he does actual shop assisting, and the organisational system is so complicated he dare not touch it for fear of it losing any semblance of organisation. Apparently Yixing had put it in place himself and Jongdae/Lu Han/everyone else in the world don’t have the heart to tell him that it only makes sense to him.

 

But it’s a job, and his bosses are nice and understanding, and he really has no complaints. It definitely beats working in the coffee shop at rush hour. He makes a mental note to thank Baekhyun and Chanyeol.

Xxx

It’s two months after first working at AYCB that Jongdae meets his dream boy. It’s just another normal day. No customers, no nothing. He’s already cleaned the place so there’s nothing to do but try to work on his composition. The bell rings on the door. Someone walks in and Jongdae looks up from his papers to give the customary greeting to the shop when the words die in his throat.

Standing before him, large eyes already scanning the records lined up in the shop, is the boy from Jongdae’s dreams. He’s a little shorter than Jongdae was expecting, just below Jongdae’s own height, but he would recognise that face anywhere. The boy doesn’t seem to notice him, just going about his business in the shop, flicking through the shelves seemingly at random.

Jondae feels like his brain has stopped.

_He’s not an imaginary friend. He was **never** just an imaginary friend. He’s **real.**_

Finally the boy picks out a record - _Dvorak’s Suite in Eᵇ, a good choice_ the music student in him comments idly – and heads to the counter. He looks up. Their eyes meet. Time seems to stop.

There’s a momentary widening of the boy’s eyes but then nothing. He doesn’t recognise Jongdae. Jongdae doesn’t know how he feels about that. Relieved? Scared?  
Jondae rings up his purchase and mumbles his way through the sale – he doesn’t remember what he said, just fixed on the boy’s face, his dream boy’s face – and then he’s gone, walking out of the shop and Jongdae’s life with a record under his arm.

Of course this is the moment Byun Baekhyun chooses to waltz through the door, loudly announcing his entrance with a ‘tadaa!’. Jongdae doesn’t even say hello. He’s still thinking about his dream boy.

“Jongdae, you okay?” Baekhyun says in an uncharacteristic show of concern as he approaches the counter. “You look like you’ve just seen a ghost.”

“Yeah.” Jongdae says distractedly. “Fine. Just tired.”

He’s not fine. His dream boy exists. He’s real. He breathes. And has a life that apparently does not include weird stalker dreams of Jongdae. Oh God. Is he insane? Is he a wizard or something? He really does not want to be the next Professor Trelawny.

Oh God.

Baekhyun gives him a sceptical look. “You don’t look fine. You look like shit.”  
Then Lu Han and Yixing walk through out from the stockroom (seriously, why is everyone coming at once, Jongdae just wants to freak out in peace goddammit).

“BoXian!” Yixing calls. “It’s nice to see you! You haven’t been over in so long, we thought you’d forgotten about us!”

“Xingxing!” Baekhyun shouts back. He immediately drapes himself over Yixing and presses a kiss to his cheek. Lu Han looks on, watching like a hawk, but he doesn’t say anything or move to stop Baekhyun so he must have decided to indulged Yixing’s need to bestow affection on everyone and anyone this time. At least it means they aren’t paying attention to him.

His mind is all over the place trying to comprehend what just happened. He doesn’t even know where to begin. The heart shaped smile perhaps?

It makes him dizzy. He looks around and sees Lu Han watching _him_ instead of Baekhyun and Yixing. His expression is inscrutable. Jongdae gives him a weak smile but Lu Han doesn’t return it - he just makes a kind of humming noise and turns back to watch his boyfriend molest their ex-cashier. It’s not a comforting exchange.

 _Maybe I should wait til I get home to think about this._ Jongdae decides. His bosses are far too nosy for their own good and he doesn’t need them snooping in this.

He’s never told anyone about Kyungsoo and with good reason. He’s not going to let someone find out now.

xxx

The rest of his shift had been torturous. Time had dragged on like a limping athlete crossing a finish line and he’s all but ready to weep tears of joy by the time the end had rolled round. He hasn’t thought about Kyungsoo at all, but he has thought about not thinking about Kyungsoo more than he’d care to admit. It’s frightening.

Lu Han has been watching him like a hawk since Baekhyun left claiming he had more interesting friends to go and hang out with ( _as if_ Jongdae thought) and it’s not done anything to calm him down. Lu Han may have a cute face but he’s like a rottweiler when he wants something. He won’t stop til he’s got what he wants. Jongdae does not want to be something that interests Lu Han - the last man to capture his attention had ended up basically his husband and Jongdae just really doesn’t see him that way. Anyway, Jongdae already has his Soo.

Kyungsoo.

His mind is racing. How is this even possible? Honestly he almost prefers the idea that he was a creep with an imaginary friend than this - that he’s been dreaming of a real person.

He knows Kyungsoo: what he looks like when he smiles; what makes him cry; the ticks that show he’s nervous. While he’s glad he’s not the kind of psycho that makes up a person down to those fine details, it’s just _weird_ to know these things about a guy you’ve never met. Or supposedly never met. Whatever.

Maybe it wouldn’t have been so weird if Kyungsoo had shown any sign of knowing him but he hadn’t. He hadn’t so much as blinked in Jongdae’s direction, let alone gasped or anything that might have shown that Jongdae wasn’t alone in this madness.

Could Kyungsoo have been dreaming about him too all this time? It’s possible isn’t it? If Jongdae has been dreaming of his dream boy maybe it could be true the other way around too. Jongdae _needs_ to know. It’s so tiring, carrying a secret alone. Besides, Jongdae is not the type to sit around passively when opportunities are handed to him.

 _That’s it._ He decides. _I just have to find Kyungsoo._

Worst case scenario Kyungsoo thinks he’s crazy and well, if that happens it’s probably because Jongdae _is_ crazy. Best case scenario Jongdae gains an ally and a friend. That thought alone makes it worth the risk.

xxx

Three days later Jongdae’s once again at work and there’s still no sign of Kyungsoo. In addition Jongdae has got no further on his quest to find something more concrete about him. His dreams are full of Kyungsoo’s smiles (which are very beautiful and Jongdae appreciates them, honestly) but nothing that might lead to them meeting again. There’s notebooks in his vision but he doesn’t have time to read them. Files. A lecture theatre. Is Kyungsoo a student then? But there are plenty of universities in Seoul so that’s not much help.

Jongdae groans and lets his head fall with a thump onto the cash desk. Why hadn’t he paid more attention to his dreams before? Maybe he could have even found Kyungsoo before now if he’d actually entertained the thought of Kyungsoo being a real person.

The bell on the door rings.

Jongdae lifts his head from the counter. Time seems to slow. There, standing in the doorway, framed by the sunlight cascading into the dully-lit shop is Kyungsoo. His dream boy. For a second Jongdae thinks he might still be dreaming.

“Kyungsoo?” He whispers.

Shock passes over Kyungsoo’s face.

“Do you know me?” He asks slowly. Inside Jongdae is kicking himself because this is not how he wanted to reveal this. Maybe after he talked to Kyungsoo like a normal person instead.

“I…I know you.”

“From school?” Kyungsoo looks curious now. His eyes do that slight widening thing that Jongdae has seen them do in his dreams when Kyungsoo is interested in something and _holy fuck_ it’s even cuter in person.

He should answer. He wants to but the words keep getting stuck in his throat. His palms are sweating. His face might be sweating. He looks gross he’s sure and all that cycles round his brain is _this is not how I wanted this to go, this is not how I planned this!_

“Not really.” He manages to get out.

“Oh. I’m sorry, I’m not good with faces.” Kyungsooo shrugs apologetically but Jongdae is sure he’s acting. The Kyungsoo he knows from his dreams is very good at acting - and remembering faces. Does this mean the Kyungsoo in front of him is not his Kyungsoo? Or is he lying?

“Yes you are.” He accuses mindlessly. “You’ve always been good at it.”

Then he realises what he’s said.

_Shitshitshitpleasedon’tbefreakedoutpleasedon’tbefreakedout_

Kyungsoo is looking at him like he’s a particularly interesting puzzle, which is one better than disgust or panic but there’s nothing deeper than Jongdae can read. Blank.

“Why won’t I get a dog?”

“Huh?”

“Why won’t I get a dog?” Kyungsoo repeats calmly. “Please answer the question, Chen.”

Jongdae’s eyes widen. _Chen._ Nobody but his old high school friends called him Chen anymore. The Kyungsoo of his dreams hadn’t gone to his high school, he was in another in the city. So how…?

He looks up at Kyungsoo, waiting patiently on the shop floor for Jongdae’s answer. He seems calm. A little defiant even. And… nervous?

_Could it be? Could it be that Jongdae isn’t alone in this?_

“Jongin.” He says. “They remind you too much of your cousin.”

Kyungsoo’s expression doesn’t change. Jongdae feels his heart sink in his chest. Had he read the whole situation wrong?

“I’ve never told anyone that.” Kyungsoo says quietly.

“I know.”

“You dream of me.” It isn’t a question.

Jongdae steps out from behind the counter. It takes him two seconds to cross the shop floor and gather Kyungsoo up in his arms. He smells like detergent and shampoo. Kyungsoo’s arms wrap round Jongdae’s back and Jongdae lets out a sobs of relief.

 _“You’re real.”_ He murmurs. _“Thank god.”_

“Of course I’m real, dumbass.” Kyungsoo mutters into Jongdae’s collarbone. “Just took me a bit longer to find you than I’d anticipated that’s all.”

There’s a million things Jongdae wants to say to that - how did Kyungsoo know he wasn’t a figment of his imagination? How long had he been looking? He wants to apologise for not looking himself. He wants to thank Kyungsoo for searching for both of them. But most of all he wants to tell Kyungsoo-

“I love you.”

Kyungsoo sighs. “I know. You say it a lot, you know?”

Jongdae laughs. He picks Kyungsoo up by the waist and swings him around in the record shop, barely missing the record stands.

“Watch it!” Kyungsoo squeaks. Jongdae laughs again, but stops.

“I love you.” He says. He waits for a response, marvelling as he does so at the gorgeous man he has in his arms. Kyungsoo looks like he’s trying very hard to suppress a smile.

“I’m not saying it.” Kyungsoo grumps. “You’ve still got to make it up to me for not believing I was real and making me do all the work.”

“How long will that take?” Jongdae asks, aghast.

Kyungsoo smiles. “ _Forever. Better start now, my dream boy._ ”

 


End file.
